Movie Review - 'The Hottie and the Nottie'

The Hottie and the Nottie

Starring Paris Hilton, Adam Kulbersh, and Christine Lakin
Directed by Tom Putnam
Rated PG-13

You don’t have to work too hard to find reasons to drub the new Paris Hilton comedy, The Hottie and the Nottie. Not surprisingly, you do have to work hard not to shred this to pieces. Why is this light-as-air fluff-fest such an easy target? Oh gee, where to start?

To begin with, The Hottie and the Nottie stars a certain hotel heiress who has tried to legitimize herself as something more than a brand name. Then there’s the title, which nearly makes you beg for mercy from its ridiculousness.

There are dozens of other reasons buried within the movie – a movie you should under no circumstances watch – but the long and short of it is you come away from the experience thinking The Hottie and the Nottie is somehow Ms. Hilton’s masterpiece, that this is the one she wants to carry as her legacy, and the resulting sadness stays with you for at least another six or seven minutes. 

The ugly duckling story at the center of the film has a worthwhile friendship at its core. Beautiful Christabelle (Guess Who) has been best friends with the physically unappealing June (Christine Lakin) since the first grade and even though their physical differences have become even more evident over the past 20 years, they remain very close. When a kid from that first grade class finally realizes that after all this time he can’t fall in love because his fate has always been Christabelle, he moves to Los Angeles to pursue her.

The one thing Nate (Joel David Moore) didn’t account for was Christabelle’s vow to her less fortunate friend that until June finds love, the hottie will swear off men.

No Country for Old Men this isn’t.

Lakin is the most redeeming part of The Hottie and The Nottie, although that’s hardly a world record jump. Even before Nate and Christabelle set out to transform June into a beauty, Lakin has our sympathy, in part because she does a good job and in part because she was cast to stand in Paris Hilton’s estimable blonde shadow.

As for Hilton’s performance, you’re probably better off just watching her more famous collaboration with Rick Salomon. She can’t act, clearly, but is that even the point?

As Paris Hilton vanity projects go, her album had some catchy material, for what it was. But she’s way off key here, in a movie that starts at nowhere and moves backwards.