Movie Review - 'Nim's Island'

Nim's Island

Starring Abigail Breslin, Jodie Foster, and Gerard Butler
Directed by Jennifer Flackett and Mark Levin
Rated PG

It's a good thing I don't have kids.

Because if I did, I might have to be dragged to movies like Nim's Island all the time. In a professional capacity, I can endure just about anything, but if I were actually spending my own money on movies, I would be very put out after something as leaden as this thing.

Now, the easy argument to make when a critic assails a kids' movie is that the critic isn't the target audience. True.

My counterargument is that aiming movies at kids doesn't excuse lazy filmmaking, stupid dialogue and a pack of wild island animals that understand English. 

Among the items on the short list of flaws here are Jodie Foster's absolute lack of comedic ability, how internet access is so common on a remote island inhabited by two people, what kind of people read the entire text of their e-mails aloud (as if someone is listening...) and the near lethal dose of saccharine pumped through your veins throughout the interminable 90 minutes.

"Go easy on it! My kids want to see that," you cry. "I'm sure it's cute."

Fine. Have it your way. But nobody over the age of eight can find much that's too appealing about Nim's Island. I'll go you one better: If you're over eight, you'll find more not to like about it.

There have been terrific movies aimed at kids in the past few years. Bridge to Terabithia, for my money, will be a classic, and I really enjoyed Horton Hears a Who earlier this year. There are better options, trust me, and it might finally be the right time to put your foot down and say to your child, "You don't get to see every movie you want to."

You'll thank me later.