The Top Five Remakes

5 - Ocean's Eleven

4 - Insomnia

3 - The Departed

2 - The Magnificent Seven

1 - The Thing

Kurt Russell finally admitted to himself that Goldie's anti-aging simply wasn't working

Admittedly, this was a very broad subject. They've been remaking movies for years, so finding the best of that bunch requires a couple of ground rules: First, the original film has to have a pretty solid place in movie history. Part of what makes a good remake is summoning the cojones to take on a film that was already good. Secondly, the remake has to have distinguished itself, too, bringing something new to the table and not just rehashing the prior work.

We received a ton of votes for this one, and there were a lot of tough omissions. The Fly, The Italian Job, Shaft, Cape Fear, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Scarface, The Ring, Dawn of the Dead, Little Shop of Horrors, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Man Who Knew Too Much, 3:10 to Yuma, Nosferatu the Vampire, I Am Legend, The Birdcage, and King Kong were all mentioned, and you could probably make a pretty good list out of a lot of those.

But our list has five movies that have succeeded in their own ways artistically, and commercially, I don't think there's any question that these films might have overtaken the originals.

Naturally, you have to be pretty careful when you talk about Ocean's Eleven. Not as careful as you used to have to be, because Sinatra's dead and he can't send the muscle to your house, but it's still a highly regarded crime comedy. But the combination of Clooney, Pitt, Damon, and Soderbergh reinvented not just the slick criminal sub-genre, but also the inestimably cool buddy picture. In fact, there may not be a movie guys enjoy more that stars so many actors that could steal their women in a heartbeat.

What really comes through with this movie, time and again, is that you're just watching movie stars. In every scene. And it's just great fun. They play off one another so well with a lot of adlibbed or briefly rehearsed dialogue, they're making exactly the kind of movie you want them to make, and they're having the best time making it. It looks cool, it's different enough from the original, it's also better than it needs to be, and it attracts an incredibly wide audience. It's as good as an remake of Ocean's Eleven could ever hope to be.

I know a lot of people who don't like Insomnia, but I'm of the opinion that the Batman movies are the aberration in Christopher Nolan's filmography, the exception to the rule. He's made three non-Caped Crusader movies, and they're all wonderfully small.

I hope and believe that Nolan makes more films like Memento, The Prestige, and Insomnia. Memento has a fantastic gimmick, and it's a great film, but I think Insomnia is right up there with it. The original, a Scandanavian film starring Stellan Skarsgard, presents the same kind of story about a detective who goes north to the land of the unsetting sun. Nolan's remake stars Al Pacino, a California cop who's on the hunt for a killer (Robin Williams) in Alaska. Surprisingly, this movie was a Memorial Day weekend release and actually made a little money that weekend. 

How is it better than the original? Tighter storytelling for one, Pacino's performance for another. It's a great procedural with a creepy villain and a surprisingly strong third act. That's normally where movies like this fall apart.

Sure, it's the only Oscar winner on this list, but The Departed may not even be as good as its Chinese counterpart. It's loaded to the gills, no question, but even as a crime movie, I don't think it ranks as highly as a lot of Scorsese's other films. Still, barring that weird drugged-out Jack Nicholson scene and his eventual demise (which I felt demonstrated Nicholson kind of running roughshod over Scorsese's movie), The Departed is an especially authentic film.

Now, I don't mean "authentic" as in "real," but I figured you'd stop reading if I invoked the proper word for what I'm describing, which is verisimilitude. If you were watching the actual events, you would think it would unfold in much the same way.

I'm interested to see what Scorsese does as a follow-up, because it's probably, among other things, the most mainstream thing he's made since another remake, Cape Fear.

The Magnificent Seven, if I can borrow a phrase from the ridiculous Bowl Champion Series in college football, scores a lot of style points. Is it better than The Seven Samurai? No, but you know what? There might be 20 movies ever made in any country that are better than The Seven Samurai, so that's hardly a point against it.

But tackling one of cinema's absolute classics and completely rewriting it for an American audience could be a recipe for failure. However, The Magnificent Seven is an important moment in the canon of Western movies. And while it may have the chassis of a better film, this one can stand on its own. And quite well. It has a ton of memorable scenes and characters, and a all-time top ten movie theme, number eight if you believe the AFI.

The placement of The Thing might surprise you. Is it really the best remake ever? Our voters seemed to think so; it got more first-place votes than anything else. But it's also perhaps a shining example of its genre, is an unlikely choice for a remake, it surpasses the original to become the definitive version of the story, it's scary, it gets maximum production out of very little talent (at least, when you look at the rest of this list), and I think it will continue to hold up very well over the next couple of decades.

The beauty of John Carpenter's best work is how stripped down it is. You can remake Assault on Precinct 13 or Halloween anytime because the originals are just about the story. They don't have a lot of frills. The Thing, even though it involves technology and science and is by far the largest budget during this stretch of Carpenter's career, is still pretty bare as those things go. Because of that, it will continue to age fairly gracefully. It was kind of a bomb when it was released in 1982 (on the same day that Blade Runner came out, two weeks after E.T.), but now you can't have a legitimate discussion about the sci-fi/horror hybrid without saying its name early and often.

Thanks for all your votes on this list, even if your films didn't make the final cut. As I said before, you can build a few good list out of these nominees. For next week, I don't get a vote, so if you disagree with my choices for The Top Five Remakes, rest comfortably knowing I have nothing to do with The Top Five Movies of 2008. It's completely your call. We did it earlier in the year with summer flicks, and we thought this would be an ideal time to do it; next week is our final Top Five of the year.

Also, no prizes for next time (sorry if you were rooting around for stocking stuffers). But if you want to vote, please send us an e-mail with your Top Five Movies of 2008 by Thursday, December 11th at 10pm Pacific. I'll be curious to see what the list resembles. Obviously, some of the Golden Globe nominees haven't come out yet, so we won't have Benjamin Button on the list, but will The Dark Knight come through? Wall-E? Slumdog Millionaire?

Comments

[hcb]

I might suggest My Darling Clementine, which was a very close remake of Frontier Marshall. If ever there was a vastly superior upgrade,this was it.

[Kevin]

I can definitely agree with The Thing. It's a very compelling horror flick, which is a rarity in the genre. Insomnia, however, is ironically the cure for insomnia. Horribly drawn out and slow, it really doesn't give much reason for the viewer to stay with it.

[Zack Solomon]

How about the better remake of a Kurosawa film then The Magnificent Seven, which was For A Few Dollars More, a good film remake of a great Kurosawa film called Yojimbo, which led to The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly(The best western of all time). The Fly would be in my top five because it's better then the original and a really good film, but the best is The Departed. The original japanese film is good, but The Departed is a crime masterpiece from the master of the crime/gangster film, actually Scorsese is just the master of film in general. If anyone else would have made The Departed there wouldn't be anyone complaining about it, but b/c scorsese is so good at films like The Departed, some of us disrespect it.