Friday
05Dec2008
Movie Review - 'Punisher: War Zone'
Friday, December 5, 2008 at 12:02AM | Punisher: War Zone
Starring Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, and Julie Benz  |
It’s
difficult to say if
Punisher: War Zone is the worst superhero
movie ever made –back before they were in vogue, these movies were almost always
bad – but it’s easy to recognize that this is the worst Punisher movie so
far. Yes, even Dolph Lundgren had more to work with when the anti-hero hit the
big screen in 1989.Marvel movies carry with them a certain expectation these days, and while the 2004 Punisher didn’t meet them from a commercial standpoint, it was different enough to at least be worth exploring. That’s not the case here; Punisher: War Zone is just a bloody mess loaded with gunshots, uninteresting action, and some of the year’s worst dialogue. To that end, in the interest of full disclosure, I should report that I'm one of those film critics that does not take notes. Many of them do, but I never have. I figure if it's not something I can remember, it must not be worth remembering. But a few of the lines in this movie were so atrociously stupid, I wouldn't have needed to write them down anyway. Enjoy the knowledge that someone got paid to write this:
Sitting in a church with a preacher (who, apparently, the Punisher knows, but since it's the only 40 seconds he's on screen, we can't be sure what the hell he has to do with anything), the Punisher lashes out at the landlord, "Sometimes I'd like to get my hands on God," he threatens through gritted teeth.
Then there is the scene in which the Punisher happens upon a confidante who has roughly a dozen axe wounds in his body, as well as an axe sticking out of his chest. We can assume for the moment that it's the axe that did all the damage. "Don't you die on me," commands the Punisher to the obviously dying man. "See you in hell" responds the confidante. "If I see you anywhere near hell, I'll kick your ass outta there," insists our hero.
Here's the curious part about that scene: The Punisher didn't even like that character at first, and since they only briefly cross paths one other time in the movie, I have no idea when he changed his mind.
But enough about that; you get the point.
The Punisher has set his sights on Billy Russoti (Dominic West), a gangster who had been known for his good looks until an accident permanently disfigured him. The garish make-up used to transform Russoti into a character who calls himself Jigsaw is so ridiculous it’s alarming that anyone in the production thought it could be taken seriously.
Good comic book movies give us an escape. Gotham, Metropolis, guys who shoot their own spider webs – even when they’re dark, it’s still a fun bit of unreality. Punisher: War Zone is angry and gory, and with all the shooting going on, you’d figure somebody would’ve put the screenplay out of its misery.
Reader Comments (5)
The Dolph Punisher never made it into theaters because the company went bankrupt.
Is that right? I only saw it on video.
Are you shitting me? You should've smelled the cheese coming from this movie. From the trailer it was obvious that this movie was going to have to do the best it could with whatever budget they threw at it. With that being said it was damn good movie for the crowd it was aimed at. It was a buffet of bullets from the start and never at any point became something else. No love stories here, just buckets of blood. Which is much closer to the comics than any Punisher movie I've seen yet.
This was the worst damn movie ever made, the punisher looks like a 50 year old geyser. The action scenes are completely pathetic like where he kills 20 men crouched behind a staircase. The acting in this movie is probably the worst I have seen in a while since Ja Rule tried in his days. It was a complete waste of my time and no one should ever have to endure the relentless BS this movie possesses.
One thing about the War Zone movie though: it has allowed us TRUE Punisher fans to EASILY determine who knows the Punisher and who doesn't.
Seth and this critic?
You don't know the Punisher. Let US review his movies, ok?
Thanks.