I Spit On the 'I Spit On Your Grave' Remake

"I Spit on Your Grave is sick, reprehensible and contemptible. Attending it was one of the most depressing experiences of my life. This is a film without a shred of artistic distinction. It lacks even simple craftsmanship. There is no possible motive for exhibiting it, other than the totally cynical hope that it might make money."

That's Roger Ebert reviewing one of the worst movies of its kind, the 1978 female revenge/male castration flick, I Spit On Your Grave. Even if he was allowed to, it would be a minor miracle if Ebert would see the remake, currently being prepped by CineTel, the symbol of cinematic quality. Let's suppose, for the sake of argument, that you've never seen I Spit on Your Grave. Here's the story: Woman gets gangraped and assaulted and left for dead. She survives the attack and kills her assailants off one by one and in lurid, graphic ways. Here's something I didn't expect to read: CineTel President Paul Hertzberg says that the quotient of pervasive, graphic violence has caught up to the standard set by the original, so he is "listening to pitches from writers on how to ratchet up the shock factor." "After seeing what was done with an R rating on films like Saw and Hostel, we think we can modernize this story, be competitive with what this marketplace expects and not have to aim for an NC-17 or X rating," Hertzberg said. Worse, I think he's serious. You may know CineTel from their direct-to-DVD line of flicks like Deadly Surveillance, Judicial Indiscretion (which I'd like to rename Injudicious Jurisprudence), The Bone Eater, Komodo vs. King Cobra, Termination Point, and of course, Aussie and Ted, described as the journey of a lovable mutt who must return his young owner's very special teddy bear. What a heartwarming way to see what Dean Cain's been up to. Man, that would be a great double bill with I Spit on Your Grave Again or whatever the hell they're going to call this. By the by, so you're not under the wrong impression, even though CineTel normally just gluts the DVD market with crap, they're going for a theatrical release with this one. Why not go for broke and hire Uwe Boll while you're at it.

Comments

[JMK]

How's this for a premise: I Spit on Paul Hertzberg...

[Norm S. / Meet In the Lobby]

And I thought the Beverly Hills Cop IV announcement was the bottom of the barrel. I mean the Michael Bay - Ouija Board announcement. I mean...