The Horror! MTV Plans 'Rocky Horror' Remake

I'm repeating myself to regular Big Picture readers, but if you're new, here's how we address remakes: There are basically three categories - Yes, No, and Why the Hell Not? The remakes in the Yes category are either bad movies to begin with, or elements about them are bad, or they've dropped out of the contemporary lexicon and managed to work their way back into relevance. The No category is self-evident; some movies you just don't touch, and the list of reasons why can be very short or incredibly long, but in the final analysis, there's nothing to be gained by doing it. The third category is tricky. For example, I don't see anything wrong with remaking The Day the Earth Stood Still because it's almost 60 years old and contemporary audiences can't buy the "effects" in the original. I don't even believe you can compare the two, frankly. Others feel very strongly about not remaking that film. I feel very strongly about not remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Jesus Christ, why? The ultimate midnight camp movie extravaganza...and you're going to, what, make it hip and now? This news does not make me shiver me with antici...pation. Clearly, the suits who made that decision don't know anything about movie fans or, for that matter, rock n' roll. Who are those suits? Ironically enough, it's the brain trust at MTV. Even weirder, Lou Adler, the odd-looking gentleman to Jack Nicholson's left at Lakers games and an executive producer of the original film, is teaming up with MTV and Fox on the remake. It's not the worst decision Lou Adler's ever made, though; he did spawn Cisco Adler, after all. The announcement, covered by Variety, doesn't indicate whether MTV will broadcast the remake or distribute it through their film division, although Adler says, "I'd like to see it shown a year from this coming Halloween, but that's up to MTV," which sounds a lot more like a television movie than a feature film. I'm just shaking my head over this, both out of confusion and sadness. The very worst thing you can do to The Rocky Horror Movie Show is make it more palatable to a wide audience. It's specifically made to be out of the ordinary, and now Dr. Frank N. Furter will apply a new coat of make-up for all the world to see. In fact, this may be the worst idea I've heard for a remake since the rumor that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez would re-do Casablanca. You know why you don't remake Rocky Horror? For the same goddamn reason you don't remake Star Wars or Gone With the Wind: It's a phenomenon completely unto itself, an event unlike any other in its original version, and you'll dirty it up and tarnish it by performing such a disservice. Here's the thing: I don't especially love Rocky Horror. I mean, it's fun once or twice, the music's easily the best thing about it, and the acting and filmmaking is pretty low-grade on the whole. But that's what makes it the movie it is. I will make one suggestion: Vince Vaughn as Frank N. Furter. Why? Simple: He's already remade Norman Bates, so it's best to keep these remarkably boneheaded remakes from spreading throughout Hollywood. Quick, someone call Anne Heche about playing Janet.

Comments

[in the know]

ur an idiot...and u probably know it
so jeep on keepin on
its not a remake
its more like a cover song electrified...people didnt like bob dylan when he went electric and how stupid do they feel now
adler doesnt ever make bad decisions
check his list of acomplishments and out it up agains urs blogger-dick

[Orinn]

A remake would be a disaster.

P.S. Anyone who can say someone never makes bad decisions, is themselves an idiot. Everyone makes bad decisions, some more then others.

[Get The Big Picture]

People still go to school, right?

[Jason]

Well played sir.

[KAveh]

wow, MTV is going to destroy the Rock Horror Picture show, and yes it's true MTV makes kids stupid.

[Navillus]

whats with the douche posting first? Colin man you're great. I hate that i don't get to hear you on the morning ritual anymore, Adam Carolla sucks, but i love the website. keep up the good work man

[Lauren]

Wow, I love your thoughts on the matter. Especially the Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche idea.

[Will]

Before the Clone Wars stuff, I had been secretly hoping that Star Wars would be re-made.

By PIXAR!

I thought they could do it right, making it a pleasant addition to the SW 'Verse, kinda like Lego Star Wars Video games are okay...

And since the Disney tradition is about retelling classic tales in a unique and artistic way, I don't think it would be total heresy...would it?