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Monday
Aug112008

Trailer - Jessica Simpson's Latest Embarrassment, 'Major Movie Star'

majormovieposter.jpg

We like to give you new trailers as often as we can. Normally, we tend to gravitate towards trailers for good movies - imagine that - but every now and then, a trailer for something awful catches our eye, and in the interest of fairness (or sarcasm), we feel compelled to showcase that, too.

Here we have Jessica Simpson, who was not so many years ago, one of the world's most desired women. Beautiful, blonde, and - as her father always likes to point out - buxom, Simpson tried to use her leverage as a reality TV and music star to become a big deal in the movies.

Never happened, and it never will.

She's not a very good actress, to put it mildly, and bad actresses that also happen to be hot are pretty easy to find. But that hasn't stopped her from trying, even though her flicks have actually trailed off since The Dukes of Hazzard.

Most humorous was when her $10 million comedy, Blonde Ambition, failed to clear $1,000 in its opening weekend...in her hometown. But Simpson is undaunted by, or perhaps unaware of, America's clear displeasure with her work in front of the camera. She has a new flick called Major Movie Star, which will most likely pop up on DVD without a U.S. theatrical release. It's a "comedy" in which Megan Valentine (Simpson), one of the world's biggest movie stars, finds herself broke and homeless and with nowhere left to turn, enlists in the Army. Get it? Major Movie Star?

Vivica A. Fox and Steve Guttenberg co-star, and I actually feel more embarrassed for Guttenberg being featured here than on Dancing With the Stars. If you think you can stomach it, here's the trailer:

Because Blonde Ambition was a big hit overseas (it actually debuted at number one in Ukraine), Major Movie Star will see some action in theaters in Russia next month, with Bulgaria following in November. That should tell you all you need to know about the movie career of Jessica Simpson.

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  • Response
    I see Chuck's point. But I also think other "non- essential" businesses are traditionally open on holidays- movie theaters, restaurants, convenience stores. Are they taking unfair advantage of their employees, or are they just offering their services to a clientele that wants to do something besides eat and watch television?

Reader Comments (8)

So why do I think that the Bikini came first, and then everything else sort of grew from that?

Monday, August 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLost Wilson

That's the original poster. There's a new one, but I can only find a very small thumbnail. The bikini is actually from a GQ cover about four years ago. At least I think it was GQ. Anyway, they Photoshopped everything. If I remember right, the bikini was red, white and blue, and not camouflage.

Monday, August 11, 2008 | Registered CommenterGet The Big Picture

Even I'm holding my nose on that crappy premise...

Monday, August 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEddie Murphy

So... It's like "Private Benjamin" but worse? Hey Jessica, I just saw your trailer for "Major Movie Star". You owe me 2 minutes and 18 seconds I'll start the clock.... Now!

Monday, August 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChristian Avila

i think it looks funny! Jessica Simpson is awesome <3

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterit doesn't matter

I love Jessica Simpson, she is really natural when se performes... Blonde Ambition was great...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLuanda Busch

It is a total rip-off of "Private Benjamin" even exact scenes like when she screams while she is running in the rain, and the rifle-range mishap.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBill

Absolutely not Private Benjamine- that was a good movie!
This is a remake of Cadet Kelly, the Disney movie

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChico Divine

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