What's New In Theaters - August 22, 2008

In Death Race, a remake of the 1970s camp classic produced by Roger Corman, convict Jensen Ames (Jason Statham) is forced by his hard-as-nails warden (Joan Allen) to compete in our world's most popular sport: The Tour de France! Not really. Although there's so much criminal behavior in that race they might as well hold it in a prison. Shelley Darlington (Anna Faris) has lived at the Playboy Mansion for years. Too many years, apparently. Booted out because she's (gasp) 27, Shelley must find a new place to call home. She winds up being the house mother for the most unpopular sorority on campus, hence the title The House Bunny. More than likely, she'll teach them to put out. Fish (Rainn Wilson from The Office) gave up his drums and gave up on his dream of being a rock god when his old band, Vesuvius, kicked him out on their way to the top. The band has remained on top for 20 years, and their old drummer has never put it behind him. He'll get his chance to exact a little revenge in The Rocker, by backing up a high school band that rivals even The Jonas Brothers. Steve Coogan is misguided, well-meaning high school drama teacher who does what anyone in his position would do if they heard their livelihood was being axed due to budget cuts: He writes a sequel to Hamlet to save the drama department. Can Hamlet have a sequel, you ask. Well, there's Hamlet 2, now, isn't there, smart guy? Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst directing Ice Cube...in a family movie? The Longshots is based on the true story of Jasmine Plummer (Keke Palmer), the first female to play in a Pop Warner football tournament. Just hearing the name Jasmine Plummer reminds me of Jake "The Snake" Plummer, and surely Jake had to be the first female in Pop Warner, right? I don't know if you've heard, but the U.S. is in a bit of a financial pickle at the moment. I.O.U.S.A. is a new documentary that examines the dire straits we're in and offers some of its own solutions to the problems at hand, if anyone will listen.