Who Sucks Harder Than Dane Cook?

We're just curious: Who sucks harder than Dane Cook? He was never a particularly gifted comedian. Just because you have a lot of fans doesn't mean you're good at something. Anna Kournikova wasn't a great tennis player. Britney Spears can't sing. Dane Cook's not funny. Yet he parlayed his remarkable, nearly Rachel Ray-caliber undeserved popularity into a movie career. And what has this balls-out comedian done in his movie career? Romantic comedies and a forgettable supporting role in Mr. Brooks. You'd never catch Richard Pryor or Steve Martin settling for that in their heydays. Employee of the Month was pretty bad, but because it set the bar so low and was so entirely formulaic, it didn't dip below expectations. That's not a compliment. Still, Dane Cook as a romantic leading man? Where's the attitude. He was uninspiring and not believable in Mr. Brooks, and he made it nearly impossible to be excited about baseball playoffs last year with his frothing Fox promos. He was closer to his element in Good Luck Chuck, but it was still too sappy. And not funny enough. Isn't this guy supposed to be a comedian? And let's not forget how big an albatross he was around the neck of Dan in Real Life. Honestly: Juliette Binoche would date Dane Cook? That's terrible casting, isn't it? But he's still trying and we're not buying. His new romantic comedy - oh, how refreshing! - is My Best Friend's Girl. I have a rule about movies named after song titles from the 80s: Stay away. Second sign of trouble: This one's not screening for the press, and I have a rule about that, too: The studio, in this case Lionsgate, has no confidence in their product. Good movies can absorb criticism; bad movies invite it. This one co-stars Kate Hudson and Jason Biggs and was directed by Howard Deutsch, whose last movie was The Whole Ten Yards. Make of that what you will. Without having seen it (and I won't get that chance if Lionsgate has its way), I can't say whether or not this movie from a first-time screenwriter will be any good. But I can make an educated guess. I predict failure. So given what we know now: Who sucks harder than Dane Cook? (And because there will no doubt be a Dane Cook fan who stumbles onto this website, I'll beat you to the punch and nominate myself and any female relatives I have for sucking harder than Dane Cook. You'll have to do better than that...)

Comments

[JMK]

The song "My Best Friend's Girl" was actually from 1978, though your theorem about movies named after old pop songs sucking certainly applies here; still thinking about who (presumably in their "prime") sucks harder than Dane though...

[Chevy Chase]

So does the last 20 years of my "career" make me eligible, then?

[Get The Big Picture]

Good call, Chevy! Thanks for taking one for the team.

[.]

Who sucks harder than Dane Cook? You do. You as in the writer of this article, if you didn't know. And no, I am not particularly a fan of Dane Cook (I don't think he's really funny.), I just think it's really stupid for you to write an article about people sucking. He tries, okay? And that's better than those who don't try in life. Just like you. I mean, come on? A person who writes articles about people sucking? Get a life. Get a real job. I wouldn't be surprised if you had no friends because you probably think they all suck as well.

[Get The Big Picture]

Blah blah blah.

[Kevin]

Let me defend Colin here. Dane Cook does not try, unless you call copying material from other comedians trying. I used to give Dane a pass, because the material stolen from Louis C.K. was similar, but not exactly the same. That ended when Cook copied almost word for word a bit from George Carlin performed in the late 70s. Dane Cook's only "funny" moments are those taken from other comics. Get your head out of your ass, ., and look at what he really does. If he tried, he'd at least have a decent performance in a crappy movie here or there. Dane Cook is a tumor on the prostate of comedy.

[Jason]

I'm having trouble finding anyone sucking harder. Although Rob Schneider is a candidate.

On a positive side of things I hear Rob is a "good tryer"!

[Karl]

who is up for creating a Dane Cook Sucks website. If I knew anything about how all that works I would. Or I should just google it. I would probably find a few of these sites out there. Thank you Colin for being man enough to write this article. DANE COOK DOES SUCK!!!