An Open Letter to Steve Martin

Dear Mr. Martin: I have been aware of your work for 30 years. Even as a kid, with "King Tut" on the radio and the arrow through the head gag, I knew you were different than other comedians of the time. Somehow, I genuinely connected with your style even though the arrow through the head was definitely not aimed at me. It is ironic that in 2009, a new generation of children can laugh at your work, since your comedy has become about the lowest common denominator in almost every case. There was not another Steve Martin when The Jerk established you as a movie star, nor was there another Steve Martin in 1987 when Roxanne showed how graceful your comedy could be. There is not another Steve Martin now, the star of The Pink Panther 2 - a has-been who's perfectly content to embark on the film version of the faded rock band's tour of casinos and state fairs. Even Robin Williams has retained a little dignity. But there was a time when your films dared to be different. You remember, of course, The Jerk, The Man with Two Brains, All of Me, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, Pennies from Heaven, and The Lonely Guy. They weren't all great - only three of them could qualify - but they were not expected, not the usual. But even with your run through the 1980s, which also included the overrated Three Amigos, plus Roxanne, Parenthood, and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, you have made more bad movies than good ones. In other words, when people pay to see your movies, they're getting ripped off more than half the time. You're in debt to us now, and it's time to make good movies again. For me, your two best films are Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid and Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, one of the great holiday movies ever made, and the best example of the late John Candy's work. One of these movies is off limits for you as a performer; you can't make anything like Plaid again. It's too unique. That experiment could have backfired, but it's timeless. However, Planes, Trains is a buddy movie, a terrific comedy, and a simple story. Do they just not make these kinds of movies for white guys anymore? Is it that hard to find a quality script? Because after that movie, you've appeared in - count 'em - seven average to above average films. That's seven movies in 21 years, five of them before 1992. That's right, Steve, you have made two good movies in the past 17 years: Bowfinger - and even that might be a stretch for a lot of people - and the against-type The Spanish Prisoner. If people aren't fond of those, then your last "good" movie was Grand Canyon or Father of the Bride or L.A. Story. I'm being gracious here, because outside of Prisoner, I think your last good movie was Parenthood, released 20 years ago. And I think we can both agree that the David Mamet movie sticks out like a sore thumb. But for someone to start off with such a promising body of work, have it last for a decade, and then willfully accept more money for less interesting, relevant, and entertaining work over the course of the next two decades is shameful. Yep, you should be ashamed of yourself. And that's before you started pantomiming Peter Sellers (horribly). If you think I'm just taking shots at you because it's cool for critics like me to hate successful mainstream comedies like The Pink Panther, you're wrong. The proof is in the pickin', as they might say in your beloved bluegrass, and even Johnnie Cochran couldn't get you acquitted of these crimes. Before 1989: The Jerk, Pennies from Heaven, All of Me, The Man With Two Brains, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, The Lonely Guy, Three Amigos, Roxanne, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Parenthood, and bit parts in The Muppet Movie and something called Movers & Shakers. I'm not leaving anything out. That's your track record, and might I say, it's one of the best filmographies ever for a comedian over a ten year span. After 1989: My Blue Heaven, L.A. Story, Father of the Bride, Grand Canyon, House Sitter, Leap of Faith, A Simple Twist of Faith, Mixed Nuts, Father of the Bride II, Sgt. Bilko, The Spanish Prisoner, The Out-of-Towners, Bowfinger, Novocaine, Bringing Down the House, Shopgirl, and two each of Cheaper by the Dozen and The Pink Panther, plus a few more bit parts (Baby Mama, Joe Gould's Secret, Looney Tunes: Back in Action, and The Prince of Egypt). It's painful enough to read that you had more good movies in ten years than you've had in the last 20, but to see how far you've fallen is astonishing. If we add up your keepers, that's 14 movies, including the rather soft success after 1989 described above. I'm not counting Pennies and The Lonely Guy, although Pennies is one of your more interesting failures. But how many bad movies have there been? Try seventeen. Fifteen of those have come in the last 20 years. And unlike the list of good movies, where I'm letting in selections that certainly don't hold a candle to your best work, there's no mistaking your bad movies for anything but bad movies. So by my calculations, Steve, you owe us at least three good movies now, just to break even. An entertainer should do exactly that, and you owe your audience better work. It's your responsibility. And we all know you have it in you somewhere. It's time to hang up the buffoonery of hackneyed, embarrassing remakes and take your work seriously again. And if you can't do that, just go away. Nobody wants to see you quit while you're behind, but if you're not willing to put any effort into your career or your performances, you might as well quit before you fall even further off the pace. All my best,
Colin Boyd
Concerned Citizen

Comments

[knives]

I thought Shop girl with pretty decent. Not great, but really fun and interesting. Not to discount its eye candy.

[JR]

It really is a shame, because Steve Martin is brilliant. I'm a big fan of his books. Shopgirl and The Pleasure of My Company are both wonderful reads. I just read his stand-up autobiography, Born Standing Up, and he really is a very unique mind.

But he keeps making shitty movies, and I don't get it. Perhaps it's meta humor. Perhaps it's an extension of his trademark absurdity. Here's a guy who was at one time the biggest performing comedian in the world making the crappiest movies you can think of, with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. You could have said something very similar about his early stand-up. He was a funny guy, with good timing and presence, doing the weirdest stuff on stage that you could imagine.

Maybe now the act has gone global, the theater-goers are the unwitting audience participants, and the rest of us are left wondering if what we're seeing really is funny or not.

[Tim]

AMEN! And may the lords of Hollywood stop Dane Cook before torturing us in similar ways for many years to come.

[Get The Big Picture]

I will agree, JR, that Born Standing Up is a great read. And that's, what, two years old? I don't understand it. Some people have e-mailed me that Shopgirl belongs in the good category, but I think that's another failed experiment. The novella is much, much better, as are most of his writings over the past decade or so.

[Asana]

Is it fair to solely hammer Martin for films that failed? I can see if you want to take him to task for things he's written, produced and/or directed because he has greater control of the outcome. However as an actor he's limited to the material he's been given and if it's not all that great the end result will reflect it. Granted, you can say that there are things he should not have taken but the man still needs to eat.

Even in films that are complete and utter crap he's still out there and some press even bad press is considered better than no press at all. I don't believe he owes three good movies at all, he could turn things around with one really great movie. Though perhaps he's doomed himself out of ever seeing a script for such at this point.

[roddy]

Dear Mr. Boyd,

You have too much free time.

roddy

[Kevin]

I must agree. The post 1989 list includes only two standouts: L.A. Story and Novocaine. I listen to his stand-up CD Let's Get Small on a regular basis. It holds up and it's as old as I am, 33. It pains me to listen to it and then see his Pink Panther 2 trailer. His recent track record is appalling, and it makes me sad to see anyone of his talent level go so far downhill. Eddie Murphy suffers the same fate. It's like watching Michael Jordan play for the Wizards. It's a terrible mistake. Martin and Murphy need to get back up on a comedy club stage. It'll help them understand what's funny again when they get an instant reaction to what they do.

[enazwo]

Steve Martin is so brilliant and talented....he is funny, original.....I love most of his movies....Man with Two Brains, All of Me, The Jerk, Roxanne, L.A. Story.....Steve Martin has provided me with great enjoyment over the years.....Though I do cringe for him with The Pink Panther.....but not many actors has a perfect track record....there are others out there that are more worthy of tasking....but I suppose Steve Martin is current events.....No I won't go see Pink Panther....but I still respect and admire Steve Martin....