Bazooka Joe: The Movie

Maybe it's because Dance Flick is fresh in my mind, but a movie based on Bazooka Joe bubble gum comics is not the worst idea I've been asked to accept recently. I'm not saying it's a good idea, but I'm hardly surprised we wound up here. Former Disney godfather Michael Eisner has hired writing newcomer Mark Hammer to create a feature film out of the knee-slapping adventures of the eyepatch wearing Bazooka Joe and his friends. If you've ever enjoyed a Bazooka Joe comic, you know that the lame comedy is actually the best part of the experience, which does not speak highly of the gum. Dubble Bubble it isn't. You might be asking how this series of unconnected puns and zingers can be turned into a functional movie, but the real question in why. Not surprisingly, there's a financial interest at stake. And nothing else. Eisner purchased Topps, the trading card company that owns the rights to Bazooka, and there's your answer. He paid $380 million for the company two years ago with the caveat that efforts be made to revitalize the brand, and I guess this counts. The problem is, who would see the movie? It's not being developed as a compelling story worth telling but as pure marketing. That can work - and you could argue that Transformers is an example of how effective that method can be - but the difference, I'd offer, is cars that turn into weapons of mass destruction. Is Bazooka Joe going to do anything but tell dumb jokes?