Heidi Montag To Fight Sharks With Her 3-D Boobs

How long will we have to tolerate Heidi Montag? The walking billboard for image consciousness will have some free time to devote to more surgical enhancement now that MTV has canceled The Hills, but unlike most things, she's not taking it lying down. Montag will continue the wholly undistinguished tradition of bouncing from reality TV to the movies, one that began with that Colleen girl from Survivor co-starring in Rob Schneider's The Animal and covers all things Paris Hilton, although in Montag's case there will be a lot more bouncing. “I’m so excited The Hills is finally over and I can now become a full time motion picture actress,” Montag told People. “There is no better training [for an actor] than being in front of the cameras 24-7.” Well, she's right about that; just look at how good Larry King is in his movie cameos after all that time in front of cameras. (Sarcasm, one of the many features we offer free of charge.) But it's not just acting that has caught Montag's eye, one of the few original parts she has left; Mrs. Spencer Pratt has written a script. Brace yourself, Charlie Kaufman. “I am making the first 3-D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3-D boobs,” Montag said, indicating she'll play a lifeguard named Summer. “I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!” There is, not surprisingly, nobody attached to this project, no studio, no financiers, no other actors or even people who spend a lot of time in front of cameras, like maybe convenience store clerks under the constant eye of the security cam. That doesn't matter: Montag is determined to show the world what she can do. “I’m now finally free to start my career and my new life as female mogul in Hollywood,” Montag declared in all seriousness. Gather 'round and watch the trainwreck, kids.

Comments

[andrew]

its almost as if her and spencer are playing a joke on the world. like its a big prank. its almost too ridiculous to think that people are actually like this. seriously, are they for real?

[Josh]

I have to give Spencer and Heidi credit. They know how to get attention, it almost comes too easily for them. They have no discernible talent but just say things they know will attract attention. They may be the best fame artist we've seen (take that Octomom, and they didn't have to have 8 kids to do it). I don't think they mean a word of anything they say and they know how ridiculous they sound, but they know something else, there's plenty of dumb people in America ready to get riled up over it (not you Colin, I'm referring to the tabloid crowds). So here's to Speidi for playing everyone like a fiddle!

I sometimes wonder if they are doing real life roles of satire. Like a real life "Being There"