Rumor Patrol: Uwe Boll, Jessica Simpson, 'Metroid'

There's bound to be no better news all year for fans of awful movies, but I doubt it's the least bit true: Uwe Boll directing Jessica Simpson in a movie based on the video game Metroid. The day that would happen would be the greatest day of all time. JoBlo has the story, but let's just do the math on this. Uwe Boll may not be the world's worst director, but he's easily the most tasteless. And probably the worst, actually. There's almost no reason to try to qualify it. Jessica Simpson is to acting what Ashlee Simpson is to nearly everything else. She makes Paris Hilton look like a moderately acceptable small town community theater starlet. Simpson would play the heroine, Samus, in the film based on the 1980s Nintendo game. If one thing needed to change in this scenario, it's Metroid. You'd want Uwe to direct the worst possible video game adaptation he could...again, especially if by some stroke of ridiculously good fortune it was to be the dream collaboration with Daisy Duke 2.0. Even JoBlo thinks what they were sent is probably a joke, and it could be a reaction to another strange rumor: Kim Kardashian starring in the Tomb Raider reboot. I say race both of those into production. It's been a long time since I've seen a double feature that bad.

Comments

[UWE BOLL!]

"Uwe Boll may not be the world's worst director, but he's easily the most tasteless. And probably the worst, actually. There's almost no reason to try to qualify it."

You know what little bloggin man? UWE's first thought at having this read to me aloud and slowly was to come punch your face MANY times!!!! Resisted the urge and punched my reader person instead of you, don't feel safe in that! There IS no reason to try to qualify it, UWE BOLL! is the very best that money can buy!!! It's the reason you and others like you do what you do. Bunch of gutless, spineless, jellyfish punchbags!!! You seek to raise yourselfs on my grand totem of fame.

Yet all the insults, sarcastic quips and so-called humor mongering besides ONE thing is true, you will never ever be so well known as UWE!!! Sleep well at night knowing that little bloggin man and THIS- I have made movies and you have made none. Mine will be the name spoken of still after you are long done, forgotten and just as spat upon as you attempt to spat upon me. UWE come visit you at that time and punch your face MANY times then. You like that yeh? It will be OUR dream collaboration!!!!

[WTF?]

Previous comment has to be a joke. Has to be. However, if it is by some really weird chance Uwe Boll, it's a joke either way.

[mdamien13]

The real Uwe Boll already dismissed this (per IGN) by saying "It's bullshit".

The response from Uwe Boll above, however, is one of the best things I've ever read. Truly reminds me of his first profanity-laced tirades from back in the House of the Dead days.

[Orinn]

Nintendo has stated that it is constantly approached about movie idea and is very hesitant, so thank god for that, this is fake.

They learned a hard lesson after the Super Mario Brothers movie we would all like to forget.

[SqlInjector]

someone just leaked the first two pages of the Metroid movie : link. It's now called Metroid: Bounty Hunter Aran