Movie Review - 'The Expendables'

The Expendables Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, and Jason Statham Directed by Sylvester Stallone Rated R

There's a moment about two-thirds of the way through The Expendables when Sylvester Stallone, flying a cargo plane, flips the switch to go to auto-pilot. He needn't have waited. From the opening scene, this film never clicks. And it really shouldn't have been that difficult. There are moments here and there but the majority of the time, either the dialogue is atrocious, the action is shot and edited in such a way that you can't make out what's going on, the attempts of comedy fall flat, or it's just boring. Stallone wrote and directed the film and dangled the opportunity to make a kind of 21st century Dirty Dozen in front of a host of action stars: Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mickey Rourke, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, and Eric Roberts. The only problems with that setup are the two biggest names on the list - Willis and Schwarzenegger - have well-publicized cameos it would have been better to know nothing about. Dolph Lundgren doesn't really light up the screen in general, and he's flat-out embarrassing here. I hope Stallone kept his receipt for Dolph. Li and Statham are as close as the film gets to other "stars" in the action genre, and Sly wisely gives them the most to do. Rourke is riding high these days, but his presence here is a bit strange. He never appears outside a tattoo parlor his character apparently owns and his dialogue feels not just organic to Rourke himself but possibly even ad- libbed, as if the agreement was Rourke would only be on set for a few days, wouldn't do location shooting, and got to write his own stuff. Seems more possible once you watch the film. Outside of Roberts, the flipped CIA agent who is the film's villian, the other actors are seat fillers. Sadly, the most consistent performance here is Austin's, playing a modified version of the character he polished to near perfection as the bad-ass who almost singlehandedly saved professional wrestling about a decade ago. There is a story in The Expendables, but it certainly doesn't require much attention. All we know of the group that calls themselves The Expendables is that they're a "team," hired by dirty men to do dirtier jobs. They were probably all military or intelligence at one point, but only allusions to the past are made about any of that, almost always by Rourke in some disconnected monologue. They're hired to take out a dictator of a small island for reasons unspecified. Turns out it's drugs, although with only 6,000 people on the island, it hardly seems like it could be a real hotbed of activity. Stallone and Statham do recon on the island, their first encounter with Roberts and Austin, the villain's one-man security detail. There's also the daughter of the dictator, played by Mexican model and actress Giselle Itié, who I mention just so you won't have to look her up. Realistically, though, the story is just the framing for action scenes, and there are maybe three good ones. The first encounter, with The Expendables on another job, is the most memorable of the bunch, but a truck chase involving Stallone, Lundgren, and Li is also pretty fun. Most of the shootouts have been done better and more cleanly and most of the hand-to- hand combat is wasted by fast-paced editing that doesn't take advantage of the legitimate skills of nearly everyone in the cast. But the dialogue, even for a fast food action movie, is perfectly lousy. Here's an exchange during a confrontation between Austin and Stallone, in which Sly is being choked by another thug and pressed for information by the intense, bald ex- wrestler. Austin I'm slightly paraphrasing; Stallone I'm quoting: Austin: How many men are on the way?
Stallone: Only your mother.
(Austin punches Stallone in the gut)
Austin: Who sent you?
Stallone: Your hairdresser. Those are some zingers, huh? Who knew Stallone wrote for Jay Leno? No, you don't need the dialogue to be perfect for a movie like this, but is perfunctory too much to ask? If the action scenes were brilliant, then it's less of an issue. But they're not. A few are entertaining and one shows some originality. Of course, given the out-of-the-box thinking that went into assembling the cast, originality was probably not high on Stallone's list for anything.

Comments

[Tjei]

I don't know what is wrong with those one-liners to you Colin, to me they appear perfect. What would your answers be with your neck in a choke hold? Dolph - embarassing? He was not more embarassing than the film itself. His character is the only one that severely lacked backstory, he made me want to know it. You know something's wrong when in an action movie the quality of performance depends only on actors' screen time in quiet talky scenes, not the action set pieces themselves.

[Mike Rowe]

"All we know of the group that calls themselves The Expendables is that they're a "team," hired by dirty men to do dirtier jobs. "

So how is it that I never got a call?

[r. boston]

this was a great movie and i would not have a problem seeing this movie again. a great job by stallone.

[quin browne]

There was so much testosterone, I felt myself growing chest hair.

It was a nice way to spend a hot Sunday afternoon... and I found myself wondering how Eric felt knowing Julia had once again out box-officed him.

No worries, Eric!! We all await your film on SyFy, 'Sharktopus'!! (Seriously, I do)

[ckusse]

i think colin forgot how to have fun in the movies, since its his job is to review them all day. id probably be the same way. ....always looking for that one inspiring film which just never gets out there out of the countless ones i have to watch.. i enjoyed the hell out of this movie. i watched it twice in fact. acting was just fine for what it was supposed to be in my opinion. its not an intelligent movie and was never supposed to be. look to hard and you can find faults. stunts were great and fight scenes may appear a little glitchy....but sit back further in the cinema and youll catch every thing missed in the first viewing. lundengren did well....not bad for a b actor. is acting career was never strong. his best roles were when he kept his mouth shut..however in here...it suited him just fine. and it was believable as well to see jet li get his ass handed back to him on a platter by lundengren. and stallone in the movie admitting to getting his ass kicked. you just dont see that in alot of movies. i think this one is one for my library. i give it 4 apes.

[jilu]

good movie i like very much

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[Business Directory]

Good movie, Full of action and thrill. One of the best sylvester, Arnold...movie which I ever seen. Top 5 heroes cast in this movie. You must see that movie at this weekend. Thanks for providing review of this movie and trailer.

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