Movie Review: 'The Pirates! Band of Misfits'

The Pirates! Band of Misfits Starring Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman, David Tennant Directed by Peter Lord, Jeff Newitt Rated PG

The evening I saw the screening of The Three Stooges, I was also able to catch an advanced screening for The Pirates! Band of Misfits.  Now, maybe because The Three Stooges wasn't to my comedic tastes (which may have made Pirates! seem so much better), but I was pleasantly surprised by the 3D stop-action plunder-based comedy.  To add to the fun, after the film there was a live Q&A with the director, Peter Lord (more on that later).  But if you're looking for a safe, family film that everyone will love, this is it.

Pirates! Band of Misfits centers around Pirate Captain (Hugh Grant) and his appropriately named crew, such as The Pirate with Gout (Brendan Gleeson) and The Pirate with a Scarf (Martin Freeman). However, Pirate Captain isn't much of a pirate; he routinely comes in last place for the Pirate of the Year award.  Yet all that changes when he boards the ship of the lonely Charles Darwin (David Tennant), who takes one look at Pirate Captain's parrott, Polly, and immediately realizes that Polly may be the last of a previously thought extinct bird species.

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Movie Review: 'Safe'

Safe Starring Jason Statham, Catherine Chan, Chris Sarandon Directed by Boaz Yakin Rated R

It's sad when I go into an action film starring Jason Statham that I automatically have extremely low expectations.  The guy can act, just see any British film he's done (Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, Mean Machine, etc.), so I know he has some talent.  That aside, I also think he has a knack for action, and rather enjoyed the Crank films (mindless, nonstop action can be quite the guilty pleasure).

So what I don't get is, why do you attempt to muddy the waters with a weak plot, sad dialogue that feels it has to explain everything (aside from some good one-liners), and basically rip off the plot from The Man From Nowhere?  If you're going to go for action with Jason Statham, just let the man kick ass for 90 minutes, forget the plot.

The plot runs two parallel plots for awhile, with Luke Wright (Jason Statham) condemned by the Russian mob for failing to throw an MMA fight, and is forced to live his life on the run.  Then you have Mei (Catherine Chan), a young girl gifted with a photographic memory, who is whisked away from China to New York to work for the Chinese mob and keep track of their booking.  And of course, all goes to hell when the Russian mob targets Mei for the data she holds.  As Mei flees into the subway, she's noticed by Luke, who decides she's the inspiration he needs to keep on living instead of jumping in front of a subway train.

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Movie Review: 'The Lucky One'

The Lucky One Starring Zac Efron, Taylor Schilling, Blythe Danner Directed by Peter and Bobby Farrelly Rated PG-13

I have to start by saying it's strange going to see a movie expecting one thing and being completely surprised by another.  I'm not a big fan of romantic movies, but Nicholas Sparks is a decent storyteller, so I gave it a shot.  And while I wasn't too impressed with the romance aspect of the film, there were some very enjoyable light hearted moments in The Lucky One that not only made the film bearable for me, but made me wish the entire film was focused around moments like these.

Logan (Zac Efron) is a marine who, after finding a photo of a woman in some rubble, can't explain why he seems to survive situations that leave everyone else around him dead.  Traumatized by the events, once he returns home he sets out to find this mysterious woman and thank her for saving his life; his search leads him to a small town in the south and the mystery woman, named Beth (Taylor Schilling), her son Ben (Riley Thomas Stewart) and her mother, Ellie (Blythe Danner).

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Movie Review: 'The Three Stooges'

The Three Stooges Starring Sean Hayes, Will Sasso, Chris Diamantopoulos Directed by Peter and Bobby Farrelly Rated PG

I have to start by admitting I was never much of a Three Stooges fan.  Growing up, I had my dad and uncles try and get me to watch it, but it just wasn't for me.  So when I heard about a modernization of The Three Stooges, again, I wasn't all that excited.  But I figured I would give it a shot.  For the most part, I wasn't really entertained by this brand of comedy, but this film has a way of catching you off guard and surprising you with a great one liner (like one about the Kardashians) or creative comedic bit that'll make you laugh.

It really boils down to whether or not you're a Three Stooges fan, or enjoy slapstick, physical humor; there's not much else to be had here.  And because it's really not my type of film is the reason for my 2/5 Abiding Dudes rating; if it was my type of movie, it would easily be a 3/5.

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Movie Review: 'Mirror Mirror'

Mirror Mirror Starring Julia Roberts, Lily Collins, Armie Hammer Directed by Tarsem Singh Rated PG

While Mirror Mirror is a light-hearted, safe family film that has potential to entertain both kids and adults, there seems to be something amiss in this retelling of the Snow White fairy tale.  It seems to simultaneously try for a darker, more serious tale while at the same time making a stab at humor.  The result was entertaining for some, but didn't exactly result in my cup of tea.

This time around, we have our Wicked Queen (Julia Roberts) as the kingdom's oppressor, vain beyond anything else, and taxing her kingdom into ruin and despair. In her wake is Snow White (Lily Collins), forced to live as a prisoner in her own castle, unaware of the carnage the Queen is causing across the land.  Sneaking out of the castle on her eighteenth birthday, Snow White meets Prince Alcott (Armie Hammer), who may be the salvation of her kingdom, or the next victim of the Queen's greed and vanity.

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