Alba, Seagal, and Trejo on the Set of 'Machete'

Did I inconveniently forget that Jessica Alba was in Robert Rodriguez' Machete? It appears that I did. I know, I know, it's hard to keep track of all of the people in that cast, a couple of them you can see in these pictures posted at Phun.org, but that's no excuse.

And speaking of no excuse, all of these shots appear to be of people helping Jessica dismount from the hood of a BMW. Racing to her rescue are Rodriguez, a shirtless Danny Trejo, and Steven Seagal, who thankfully, is fully buttoned, wearing a fumigation tent from the Jawaharlal Nehru collection. This film, of course, is the feature version of the fake trailer Rodriguez created for Grindhouse a couple years ago. In addition to the folks seen here, you'll get Robert De Niro, Lindsay Lohan, Don Johnson, and Cheech Marin. The only thing missing is Burt Reynolds.

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'Machete' Cast Includes De Niro, Alba...Seagal!

A couple of weeks ago, there was a sonic boom of a casting rumor, that Robert De Niro would co-star in Machete, perhaps the first movie ever based on its own phony trailer. And now that rumor has been confirmed, and he's not the only big name joining the cast.

De Niro will apparently play a crooked politician, and now Robert Rodriguez can crow about landing Jessica Alba for the film, as well as slip into coversation that he nabbed Michelle Rodriguez, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, and Jeff Fahey. And maybe under his breath, he'll admit to casting Lindsay Lohan and Steven Seagal. Now that's a crazy cast.

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New Reality Show Answers Burning Question, "Is Steven Seagal Still Alive?"

I remember when people used to channel surf past A & E because it was too artsy. Now, people are likely to blow right by it for the exact opposite reason. The network what brung you Intervention, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and The Coreys is embarking on a new reality series called Steven Seagal: Lawman.And A & E hasn't just announced it; the show has already gone into production, so it's too late to turn back now. Steven Seagal is apparently a certified, badge-wearing officer o' the law (if you choose to believe anything he says), and he claims he has been one for a long time. "I've been working as an officer in Jefferson Parish for two decades under most people's radar," announced Seagal, likely without any detectible emotion. "I've decided to work with A&E on this series now because I believe it's important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana -- to see the passion and commitment that comes from the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in this post-Katrina environment."Good for him for being a part of that, seriously, don't you wish there was someone else up to the task. Just think about it: Steven Seagal and A & E. In the words of John Turturro from O Brother Where Art Thou, "That don't make no sense!""Steven is a hero both on and off camera and helps fight crime because he cares about the community," said A & E's Robert Sharenow, adding, "It's such an amazing revelation that this larger-than-life star has been doing real police work for nearly 20 years." Yes. Or Steven Seagal.Still, I guess it's better than Seagal recording another album: That's right, he's been playing the blues since he was five years old. And mojo is an acronym.