The Top Five Remakes

5 - Ocean's Eleven

4 - Insomnia

3 - The Departed

2 - The Magnificent Seven

1 - The Thing

Kurt Russell finally admitted to himself that Goldie's anti-aging simply wasn't working

Admittedly, this was a very broad subject. They've been remaking movies for years, so finding the best of that bunch requires a couple of ground rules: First, the original film has to have a pretty solid place in movie history. Part of what makes a good remake is summoning the cojones to take on a film that was already good. Secondly, the remake has to have distinguished itself, too, bringing something new to the table and not just rehashing the prior work.

We received a ton of votes for this one, and there were a lot of tough omissions. The Fly, The Italian Job, Shaft, Cape Fear, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Scarface, The Ring, Dawn of the Dead, Little Shop of Horrors, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Man Who Knew Too Much, 3:10 to Yuma, Nosferatu the Vampire, I Am Legend, The Birdcage, and King Kong were all mentioned, and you could probably make a pretty good list out of a lot of those.

But our list has five movies that have succeeded in their own ways artistically, and commercially, I don't think there's any question that these films might have overtaken the originals.

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The Top Five Musical Biopics

5 - Ray

4 - Coal Miner's Daughter

3 - The Pianist

2 - Walk the Line

1 - Amadeus

Quietly, she pleaded with her musician husband, "Rock me, Amadeus."

Musical biopics, even more than most biographies, can be a little too much of a tribute. We're not morons; we know these people have tons of problems. Plenty of them have used drugs or liquor, the majority of them have cheated on their wives (or husbands), and it's rarely as glamorous as it seems.

Even when the musicians reach enormous success, they would probably come apart at the seams if they didn't keep their nose to the grindstone. That's why The Stones tour into their 60s and why U2, a band with nothing left to prove, still tries to prove things.

There are some very good musical biopics, going all the way back to The Glenn Miller Story and, to a degree, Yankee Doodle Dandy. But like a lot of genres, it has matured over time and audiences aren't as bowled over by revelations of hedonism and addiction as they might have been decades ago. What makes a great biopic is never the music or even the fame of the musician. It's always, always about the performances, and there are usually two great ones in each of the films.

We got a lot of nominations, and only a couple would you not strongly consider. I love Backbeat, for example, a movie about the pre-fame Beatles, but it's just not quite on the level of our top five. What's Love Got to Do with It and The Doors received some votes, and so did La Bamba, Bound for Glory, Great Balls of Fire, Sid and Nancy, Shine (which would have been sixth on our list...a tough omission), and The Sound of Music.

But we're comfortable with our Top Five Musical Biopics, and here's why:

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The Top Five Vampire Movies

5 - Near Dark

4 - Nosferatu

3 - Nightwatch

2 - Nosferatu the Vampire

1 - Dracula

                            The freaks come out at night

We could have put any number of mainstream vampire movies up here - The Lost Boys, Interview with the Vampire, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Blade, etc. - but really, these are better movies. Plus, they're creepier, and since we're not talking about the Top Five Movies About Florists, I think creepy is a good component.

That's not to say the Blade movies or Underworld or the Frank Langella Dracula aren't worthwhile. A lot of them are. But I think I've got valid reasons for all of these. Before we get to the list, other top nominees included Shadow of the Vampire, From Dusk Till Dawn, Vampire Hunter D, The Hunger, Fearless Vampire Killers, Fright Night, Lifeforce, and the truly bad Bordello of Blood. Oh, and the just as bad Van Helsing got one vote.

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The Top Five Bond Girl Names

5 - Honey Ryder - Dr. No

4 - Xenia Onatopp - Goldeneye

3 - Plenty O'Toole - Diamonds Are Forever

2 - Holly Goodhead - Moonraker

1 - Pussy Galore - Goldfinger

                               Look, it's Pussy Galore!

There are many traditions about the James Bond film franchise that fans cling to. Or at least, they clung to them; the new vision for 007 doesn't have time for dry vodka martinis, shaken not stirred, and he doesn't even have time to introduces himself as "Bond, James Bond" anymore.

There are no gadgets, no silliness, and definitely no silly names for women. Well, almost. There's a joke reference to the old practice in Casino Royale (Vesper Lynd's supposed pseudonym Stephanie Broadchest), and there's a name in Quantum of Solace, too, but you have to wait for the credits to find out what it is.

The Bond Girls are their own cultural phenomenon, separate even from the rest of the franchise. Over the past several years, there has been homage paid to them in newer Bond films, with Halle Berry emerging from the ocean a la Ursula Andress and a rather unpleasant reminder of Goldfinger in the new film. Not all of them have clever (or not so clever) sexually-derived names, but they're usually the ones we remember. For instance, Solitaire, played by Jane Seymour in Live and Let Die, is a great name. But because her name isn't all that lurid, we don't remember her. I mean, you know what a young Jane Seymour looked like, right?

On the flip side, there's Octopussy, a name so frank and downright anatomically improbable that they went ahead and gave the name to a movie (the only Bond Girl with such an honor). I don't think you could call a movie Octopussy now. Well, not one you'd see in theaters, anyway.

So here are our Top Five names, with number one going to a woman whose real name would be pretty cool for a fictional character, as well - Honor Blackman.

Enjoy a little video trip down memory lane, featuring the girls with our Top Five Bond Girl Names in action.

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The Top Five Posthumous Performances

5 - Spencer Tracy - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

4 - Bruce Lee - Enter the Dragon

3 - Massimo Troisi - Il Postino

2 - James Dean - Giant

1 - Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight

                      Heath Ledger: Oscar-bound?

We're fortunate this week that Bernie Mac left us with a very funny final performance in Soul Men. He's never been better, so watching his work in that comedy is certainly bittersweet, but it's better to go out on top than, say, Bela Lugosi in Plan 9 from Outer Space or Emmitt Smith with the Arizona Cardinals.

Thanks for all the suggestions, which included Stanley Kubrick for directing Eyes Wide Shut, Brandon Lee in The Crow, John Candy (Wagon's East), Natalie Wood for Dreamscape, Adrienne Shelly (who wrote, directed and co-starred in Waitress), Oliver Reed in Gladiator, Clark Gable in The Misfits, and John Ritter's very funny supporting performance as the mall manager in Bad Santa, among others.

Incidentally, while Peter Finch did win the Academy Award posthumously for his role in Network, he passed away between the time the film was released and his Oscar win. And last week, we said, "Last performances for which the actor, actress, or director wasn't around to see it on screen," and Finch doesn't fit that bill, I'm afraid.

So why did we settle on these Top Five and not some of those? We don't think of Gable for his final performance like we do in the cases of Bruce Lee or James Dean. Natalie Wood and John Candy were in bad movies, so that doesn't help, and Kubrick would probably have preferred a different final line on his résumé, as well. Three of these performances showcase unreal talent muted too soon, and their work has and will continue to inspire many young actors. Another is legendary for winning a posthumous Oscar, and the fifth entry may be the most miraculous one of all.

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