Trailer - Uwe Boll Has Made an Auschwitz Movie

What with today being my last here at The Big Picture, after however long it's been and with however many online miles under my belt, I was so thankful that there was Uwe Boll news today. What kind of send-off would it have been without the world's worst director who, even for Uwe Boll, might have reached a new low?

Sure to spark controversy but never make anybody involved a single dime, Uwe's latest movie is called Auschwitz, another in a disturbingly long line of Reichsploitation films. As Twitchfilm says, a serious film about this subject is not a bad thing. I'll go a step further and say that we're two, three generations from children not learning about The Holocaust in any other way but films like Schindler's List, and that's pretty sad. This film isn't quite steered the same way: It features Uwe manning the gas chamber himself, and you can draw your own conclusions if you wish. Anything for a headline, I guess. Here's Uwe's trailer:

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Rumor Patrol: Uwe Boll, Jessica Simpson, 'Metroid'

There's bound to be no better news all year for fans of awful movies, but I doubt it's the least bit true: Uwe Boll directing Jessica Simpson in a movie based on the video game Metroid. The day that would happen would be the greatest day of all time.

JoBlo has the story, but let's just do the math on this. Uwe Boll may not be the world's worst director, but he's easily the most tasteless. And probably the worst, actually. There's almost no reason to try to qualify it. Jessica Simpson is to acting what Ashlee Simpson is to nearly everything else. She makes Paris Hilton look like a moderately acceptable small town community theater starlet.

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Uwe! Justin and Kelly! The Decade's Best Bad Movies

It's list time again, this one courtesy of The Onion's AV Club. The Best Bad Movies of the Decade is really a hard thing to categorize. The first rule is probably that the bad movie intended in some way to be bad, right? I mean there are plenty of bad movies that just wind up being bad for one reason or another, but to reach this level almost takes a certain devotion to not being great.

Beyond that, you have to not just be bad but so gloriously bad that people (like me) believe you had to plan it that way, if not all the way through then at least when it became obvious during the production that the only way audiences would ever remember the movie is by making it so lousy that it's unforgettable. So I don't have a major problem with this collection (although I think Dreamcatcher really was supposed to be good and just failed), but there are some omissions. I'd say The Core qualifies, a movie so bereft of quality you can actually say Aaron Eckhart and Hilary Swank trying to make jokes to keep themselves entertained. But some of these require more discussion. Or, you know, none at all. The Room
The Wicker Man
Alone in the Dark
Dreamcatcher
From Justin to Kelly

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Uwe Boll Squeezes 'BloodRayne' from a Turnip

I think you should just go ahead and ask Kristanna Loken out. Clearly, she'll say yes to just about anything. Director/pugilist/laughingstock Uwe Boll says Loken will return for yet another BloodRayne movie. Seriously: They're not done making BloodRayne movies. Somehow.

Boll tells DreadCentral that BloodRayne 3: Warhammer, which might be the greatest album title Armored Saint never used, will shoot beginning in January. Also, we'll have Nazis this time around. Can it get any better? Can it get more Uwesque? I think not.

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World's Worst Director is Back: Uwe Boll's 'Darfur'

I would very much like to begin and program an Uwe Boll Film Festival. It would truly be one of a kind. BloodRayne, Alone in the Dark, In the Name of the King, House of the Dead, Postal - how could you go wrong? On second thought, don't answer that.

Boll keeps working, though most of the universe is at a loss as to how. He has four films in production, and managed to work in four movies this year, too. All of this on the heels of this year's Lifetime Achievement Award from the Razzies, which is not the sort of thing you go to film school in hopes of attaining. One of his many upcoming films is Darfur, which as you can imagine, is Uwe's sensitive, artistic interpretation of one of the worst genocides in modern civilization. Gee, I wonder if there will be blood. Actually, in the interest of fairness, the first minute or more of the Darfur trailer is pieced together pretty well. Then it loses all credibility (not that it had much going in) by containing an obvious misspelling. When was the last time you saw that in a trailer? Irony Man? Angles & Demons?

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